Worried..

For the past week I have been holding something in and worrying, hopefully about nothing. Last week a found a lump, for anyone who is a girl knows exactly what the means. I could definitely tell a difference and Doug could too and on top of that I had been hurting. You know me, I sat down on the bed and started getting worried and even started crying. Doug looks at me and asks why am I crying. Being a guy they just don't understand how checking yourself is pounded into your head over and over and what happens when you do find something, especially emotionally. Exactly, the worst possible thing pops into your mind. Me thinking to myself, I am only 28, almost 29, I have two babies and planning on having another, I've got my whole life ahead of me, I am healthy and take care of myself. What am I going to do? But then you think I have to be strong, call the doctor and find out what is going on, which is exactly what I did last Wednesday. Unfortunately, I don't go to the doctor until tomorrow afternoon, the earliest they could get me in. So here I am trying to go about my everyday business with this on my mind for a week and every now and then this creeps up on you and the whole thinking process starts all over. How do you act or feel? Who do you tell, if anybody? How do you tell yourself it is nothing and focus on something else? Not easy by the way, but you have to put a smile on for everyone although this is on your mind, it can easily start to wear on your soul. But I have the boys to distract me for awhile, until all is quite and they are asleep. Trying to stay busy and not worry, there is only so much you can do to distract yourself until the worrying starts all over again.