Tuesday, October 14, 2008


For the past week I have been holding something in and worrying, hopefully about nothing. Last week a found a lump, for anyone who is a girl knows exactly what the means. I could definitely tell a difference and Doug could too and on top of that I had been hurting. You know me, I sat down on the bed and started getting worried and even started crying. Doug looks at me and asks why am I crying. Being a guy they just don't understand how checking yourself is pounded into your head over and over and what happens when you do find something, especially emotionally. Exactly, the worst possible thing pops into your mind. Me thinking to myself, I am only 28, almost 29, I have two babies and planning on having another, I've got my whole life ahead of me, I am healthy and take care of myself. What am I going to do? But then you think I have to be strong, call the doctor and find out what is going on, which is exactly what I did last Wednesday. Unfortunately, I don't go to the doctor until tomorrow afternoon, the earliest they could get me in. So here I am trying to go about my everyday business with this on my mind for a week and every now and then this creeps up on you and the whole thinking process starts all over. How do you act or feel? Who do you tell, if anybody? How do you tell yourself it is nothing and focus on something else? Not easy by the way, but you have to put a smile on for everyone although this is on your mind, it can easily start to wear on your soul. But I have the boys to distract me for awhile, until all is quite and they are asleep. Trying to stay busy and not worry, there is only so much you can do to distract yourself until the worrying starts all over again.


Melinda said...

I can't even begin to imagine what you are going through right now. I am a religious self-checker because the thought of finding something too late scares me to death. So IF, and that is a big if, it does turn out to be something, than chances are you have caught it in the early stages. However, my mom discovered a lump not long ago and it turned out to merely be a water pocket/cyst. So until you find out for sure, (I would say try not to worry but I know how impossible that would be), lean on your husband for support and do ALOT of praying as I will be praying for you.

megan k said...


If you feel like it will you share your experience at the dr? If not I understand completely!!